I have little to no interest in video games. In fact, I have such a low interest level that I'm not even sure of the correct lexicon when talking about video games.Are will still saying "joy stick" these days?
Or have I just dated myself as badly as the time I sang all the words to the "Two all beef patties" song while moon walking?
Okay, sometimes I do play Poppit on the Interweb.
My kids, of course, adore video games.
And, of course of course, they adore video games more than most kids because in our house we don't have cable television and we severely limit any screen time at all, be it big like plasma T.V. or small like digital wristwatch. I used to have some very good and articulate reasons for limiting screen time, but my children have since convinced me that I only disallow television and computer time because I am an evil control-freak overlord, and come to think of it, they are actually right.
Phew! That honesty feels refreshing!
Anyway, when I told them that they would need to help me review the VTech V.Smile Cyber Pocket for Parent Bloggers Network, and to do so they would have to play video games non-stop for a week, they immediately covered me in sloppy kisses - after, of course, jabbing me with a fork to check to see whether I had been surreptitiously replaced by a cyborg. (Are we still saying "cyborg" these days?)
In the spirit of full disclosure, here is the extent to which I even came in contact with the VTech V.Smile Cyber Pocket: I brought the package into the house.
At that point, it was out of my hands, and the 7yo and 9yo took control: They opened the box, they opened the packaging, they read the directions, they installed the batteries, they hooked it up to the television, and then they argued over whose turn it was next.
Now, right there is a good recommendation for this new-fangled screen-toy thingy. There is a very low level of parental start-up after the shelling out of cash and before the divvying out of unappealing chores as punishment for arguing over whose turn it is next.
The V.Smile itself isn't quite pocket-sized if you ask me - unless you have a pocket the size of a female kangaroo's - but I suppose size is relative in the video game world. It's much smaller, for instance, than an arcade-sized Space Invader's machine.
Space Invaders...? No?
It's also pretty rugged for something so pink and filled with tiny wires and tubes. Our V.Smile has already traveled 100 miles and was at one point accidentally stuffed into the back of a minivan under a bag of kitty litter. So far, so good!
So, after a week or so of almost constant use, I was ready to hear my test subject's reviews...as soon as I could pry them away from the V.Smile.
So, how many games are on here?
9yo: Tons! Learning Adventure has four games, then there's Quick Play and a singing game with a mic and Learning Zone has three games....
7yo: Yeah! Lots!
Tell me about this game you're playing right now. (The V.Smile was hooked up to the television, although there is also an internal screen for on-the-go play.)
9yo: Language Learning. There's three levels. With the easiest, you just fill in the missing letter.
7yo: I'm playing the hardest level where you have to make your character walk around and try to find the other character with the opposite word.
9yo: Yeah. And that's Dr. UFO
7yo: We call him "Dr. Unidentified Farting Object"
Mom: I'm so proud.
So, are you learning anything?
9yo: Well, most of the stuff I already know. But it's cool! It's fun anyway!
7yo: Yeah, fun!
9yo: Well, I did learn about different landmarks in the one puzzle. Like some castle in Spain and windmills in the Netherlands.
7yo: I learned a lot of opposites.
9yo: And the Math Maze on the highest level you have to do multiplication and then know greater than or less than. I learned all that in second grade, but it's still good practice. And fun!
7yo: Yeah! Fun!
What's the hardest game?
9yo: Junkyard Jigsaw. That's where you have to find different geometric shapes to make an object.
7yo: Dr. UFO keeps getting in my way. Oh! And Corncrop Maze is hard, too.
What age would you say this is good for?
7yo: I think you have to be at least six years old. Sometimes, it's hard to use the little screen and get the people to go where you want. You should be six to do that.
9yo: Yeah, I'd say six or seven. The little screen is hard to see the stuff on it. And the hard games are really hard. You should be able to read a little.
What do you like best about the V.Smile?
7yo: Zayzoo is cute!
9yo: Yeah, Zayzoo is really cute! And the games are educational and funny.
What would you change about the V.Smile?
9yo: The colors are hard to see on the little screen.
7yo: The little pen moves around too much, too quickly. Also, sometimes the one guy throws spiky balls at you and you can't jump or go faster!
9yo: I'd add a test to see what you learned at the end.
Mom: So you'd include some sort of instrument to measure knowledge acquisition?
9yo: Huh?
Mom: Never mind.
9yo: Oh yeah, and I hate to have to say this, but sometimes the characters act a little...dumb.
Mom: How so?
7yo: You know. Koo koo. Weird. They dance around and act all...
9yo: All "Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" (Demonstrating by dancing around like a frozen chicken.)
Mom: Is that a big problem?
9yo and 7yo: (In unison, lest I think I've just been given reason to take the game away from them.) NO!
So, how would you rate the V.Smile overall?
9yo: Not really for nine year olds, but still a lot of fun! Cool!
7yo: Great! I love it! Two thumbs up!
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So, all in all, a hit with my kids. Now, I'm not sure how the low-tech graphics and educational games would fare with more tech-savvy or tech-abundant kids, but if you're living a lifestyle that more closely approximates Little House on the Prairie instead of Downtown Pac Man City...Pac Man? No? Crickets?...the V.Smile should make your kids' week. Or at least their next long car trip.
I'm not so much of an ogre that I don't allow screens on long car rides.
No matter what my kids will tell you.
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