Today, we’re reviewing underwear and socks for The Parent Bloggers Network and Hanes Underwear.

A very serious matter, underwear.

Nothing to giggle over.

Nothing to be embarrassed by.

Some of you may call them “underpants”. Others may refer to them demurely as “panties” or by the more proletariat “undergarments”.

Others still may call them “gotchies”. (For a colorful example of the usage of this word, look here.)

But by whatever name or euphemism, I think we can all agree that of utmost and most serious importance in choosing any type of underwear is consideration of the following:

1. Are the underwear comfortable?

2. Can they be sufficiently hidden from view while in both London and France?

Here at Bleenies! - located in the heart of Pennsylvania - we recently tested Hanes Girls’ No Ride Up Panties in the brief and bikini styles. Hanes’ Comfort Fit Promise touts “No Ride Up fabric leg bands " that are “guaranteed to stay in place so that she can be ‘wedgie free!’” In fact, Hanes is so confident that their underwear are The Most Comfortable, that they’re offering a money-back guarantee on any Hanes Comfort Fit underwear that do bind or ride-up or otherwise wedge into wedgie-dom. Well! If only I’d known about these super wedgie-resisting powers when I was in fifth grade! Ralph Watson’s underpants bullying days would have been cut short, I can tell you.

Our first tester was nine-and-a-half years old, and don’t let that half fool you: it really equals a full seven years. However, other than in attitude and her interest in NPR, she really is a typical nine year old girl. She’s 50th percentile in both weight and height, and she adores the colors purple and turquoise.

She tested the bikinis in a size 8, although when ordering I was going back and forth between the size 8 and the size 10. According to the Hanes size chart, she was right in the middle of an 8 and 10, and having been burned by other brands by guessing too high on underwear sizing and then becoming the proud owner of six pairs of tents, I opted to size lower.

I should have sized higher.

After washing, the bikinis fit, but just. My bad. I should have trusted Hanes on this.

After two weeks of wear, the nine year old had this to say:

Fit: “Pretty well. The waistband was tight at first, but once I started moving around, I couldn’t feel it.”

Three words to describe the bikinis: Soft, Comfortable, Secure. (Mom: “Secure?” Kid: “Yeah, like, they didn’t fall off my hips.”

Pattern and Color: “Cutest patterns in the world! Purple frogs and hearts and dots!”

What would you change or improve, if anything? “Waistband was a bit tight.” (Mom: Again, my bad. Should have sized up.)

If these Hanes underwear were a piece of fine art, what would they be titled? “Perfection”

Now onto the seven year old. Seven year old is also of average build according to those pediatrician charts, but the Pennsylvania Dutch in me thinks she needs more fat on her bones. She is also my Super Sensory child, i.e. the child most likely to complain about a string in her sock or a leg band out of place. This is where Hanes underwear was really put through its paces.

The seven year old tested the Hanes Girls’ briefs in a size 6, and they fit perfectly according to the size chart.

Fit: “Yes”

Are they itchy? “No”

Scratchy? “Nope”

Tight? “NO!”

Pattern and Color: “Fancy. Neat.”

How do these underwear compare to others you’ve worn? “I don’t know. Just as good as the others.”

If you had to give these Hanes underwear a grade, what would you give them? “A+”

Well! It may not sound like it from my more taciturn test subject, but I can tell you, that was a ringing endorsement.

And so far, no memos from either London OR France in regard to viewability from across the Atlantic. Well Done and Bienfait!


Now, onto the Hanes Shaped To Fit Ankle Socks, also with Comfort Fit Promise.

Disclaimer: From about Mid March through to The Feast of the Epiphany in early January, my children barely wear shoes, let alone socks. So, in reading the sock reviews, please keep in mind that even getting them to try on the socks was akin to shoeing a wild mustang.

First, the nine year old’s review. Her shoe size is between 2.5 and 3, so we tested the socks in a size Medium which should fit between a shoe size 10.5 and 4.

Fit: “A little tight in some places. The ankle is tight. But the toes are saggy.” (Mom’s note: the socks looked a bit small on her. The ankle band didn’t reach up around her ankle. I’d probably size a bit higher next time around because her feet are wide.)

Fabric: “Excellent! Awesome! I feel like I’m walking on a cloud!”

Anything you would change or improve? “Make the top less scrunchy”. (Mom: I think she means “tight”.)

If these socks were a song, what would the title be? “My Fleecy Buddies”


Now, onto the seven year old, who also has wide feet.

Fit: “They’re clinging to my ankles. It hurts.” (Mom: The tops didn’t seem too overly clingly. I’m as likely to put it down to Wild Mustang Sock Syndrome.)

Fabric: “Excellent! Awesome! I feel like I’m walking on a cloud!”

Anything else you want to say? “No. Can I go now?”

If these socks were a rock band, what would they be called? “SOX!”

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All in all, I think that the underwear were a hit, the socks a bit less so.

I generally wish that the fabric in today’s kids’ underpants were of a bit heavier weave. Even though these underwear held up well enough after multiple washings, I just find that for line-dryers like myself, the thinner cottons need a turn in the gas dryer to get the starchy stiffness out of them.

And maybe it’s just me, but there’s something comforting - as opposed to just comfortable - and, yes, secure as in “I know my place in this world and I am loved, even in London and France” when my undergarments have that extra heft of cottony thickness - cottony goodness - to them.

Then again, I’m very serious about my briefs.

Gotchies are nothing to giggle about.

Cheerio and Merci!